From Cousin Joe

You think English is easy??

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present thepresent.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear..

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

 Let’s face it – English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig..

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. – Why doesn’t ‘Buick’ rhyme with ‘quick’ ?

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this ..

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is ‘UP.’ 

It’s easy to understand
UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?
Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends.
And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.
We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
At other times the little word has real special meaning..
People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and thinkUPexcuses.
To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special..A drain must be opened UPbecause it is stopped UP.
We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary.
In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used.
It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don’t give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.
When the sun comes out we say it is clearingUP .
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things
UP.
When it doesn’t rain for awhile, things dry
UP.

One could go on and on, but I’ll wrap it UP,for now my time is UP,
so……..it is time to shut UP!
Now it’s UP to you what you do with this email.

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13 thoughts on “From Cousin Joe

  1. It’s at it and to it and to it and at it you got to tune your at it and to it in so you can get at it in case you can’t get to it to get at it again Pierre .

    • Got it Ron… Been quiet on this blog. I am hoping for people to reach that crazy Canuck about their ancestors.

  2. All I I have to say about that is I’d like to share this from Wikipedia if ok…

    Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo
    From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    Simplified parse tree
    PN = proper noun
    N = noun
    V = verb
    NP = noun phrase
    RC = relative clause
    VP = verb phrase
    S = sentence

    “Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo” is a grammatically valid sentence in American English, used as an example of how homonyms and homophones can be used to create complicated linguistic constructs. It has been discussed in literature since 1972 when the sentence was used by William J. Rapaport, an associate professor at the University at Buffalo.[1] It was posted to Linguist List by Rapaport in 1992.[2] It was also featured in Steven Pinker’s 1994 book The Language Instinct as an example of a sentence that is “seemingly nonsensical” but grammatical. Pinker names his student Annie Senghas as the inventor of the sentence.[3]

    The sentence’s meaning becomes clearer when it’s understood that it uses the city of Buffalo, New York and the somewhat-uncommon verb “to buffalo” (meaning “to bully or intimidate”), and when the punctuation and grammar is expanded so that the sentence reads as follows: “Buffalo buffalo that Buffalo buffalo buffalo, buffalo Buffalo buffalo.” The meaning becomes even clearer when synonyms are used: “Buffalo bison that other Buffalo bison bully, themselves bully Buffalo bison.”

    • Dubey… Dube… Dubé…

      When you have time, or if interested, write another comment if you want me to contact you about your Dubey… Dube… Dubé… connection.

  3. Very enjoyable post today, Pierre. Loved it. I’ve heard that English may contain the most words of any language with German running close behind. I really like the diversity of the English language; so many different words to choose from that all mean the same thing. 🙂 Thanks for this.

  4. Enjoyed your post and it put a smile on my face as English is the only language I know and I have problems with it!! Have a nice day, Susan

    • Joe forwarded a message he got from someone. This does not mean Joe is not a brillant person per se. Mind you, you have to have a brillant mind to filter out e-mails.

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